


God damn right, you should be scared of me

by the_angst_festival



Series: cerulean infernos [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Tower, Best Friends, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Dark Tony Stark, Developing Friendships, Either Winteriron or Frostiron?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Howard Stark's Decent-ish Parenting, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inhuman Tony Stark, Just implied though, M/M, Maria Stark's Bad Parenting, Mutant Tony Stark, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Beta Read, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Sam Wilson, References to Depression, Sam Wilson Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:46:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28979838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_angst_festival/pseuds/the_angst_festival
Summary: Fear in the little girl’s eyes, who’d looked at him with so much hope a minute ago.“Please stop now! Please stop you’re scaring me. Are you a murderer?”“You should be scared of me.” The cobalt flames licking at him, lingering on the three dead in front of him.“I’m not scared.” She said, placing her arms on her hips.“You should be.” He shook his head sadly, submitting his control, letting the power inside him take and take.The police found a 22-year-old Tony sobbing, holding a dead toddler’s body to his, 3 more fallen surrounding him 3 hours later.---He'd die with his secret, just like Howard and Maria did.---A glass shattered behind him.Tony’s shoulders tensed and he whipped around, rage scratching at his insides. His eyes were the scariest part of him, vibrant blue and somehow dark, infused with the look of a man who’d seen too much, done too much to ever forget it. He couldn’t see whoever was there as they lurked in the shadows, just outside reach from the light of the fire.“Who the fuck are you?” he growled.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark, More to be added - Relationship, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Series: cerulean infernos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125725
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	God damn right, you should be scared of me

**Author's Note:**

> Just some context notes, everything is canon up till end of CA:Winter Soldier Only differences are:
> 
> \- Both Iron Man 3 and Winter Soldier take place around the same time from May - August 2013.  
> \- For sake of future additions and parts in the series, Tony Stark was born in 1985  
> \- Maria dies from an aggravated robbery (is that a thing?)  
> \- Howard dies in the 'car crash' but in 1999 (Tony's 14 and in MIT now)  
> \- Steve found Bucky and brought him back in late 2013  
> \- This story takes place in February 2014, and Bucky has been at the tower for a little while
> 
> Just realised those a really significant differences hahah, hopefully this isn't too confusing. It will be cleared up in the story.
> 
> Thanks!

Tony nonchalantly popped a blueberry into his mouth, spinning around on the grey breakfast bar chair. He was, as always, the first one up, or rather, the last one to sleep. Nevertheless it was 1:30am in the morning, and he was feeling oddly awake. Probably had to do with his inability to sleep without nightmares.

Today was the first lounge day. They’d decided last Saturday, that it would be nice to have at least one day a week where they just chilled out. Clint, Steve and Sam were constantly shoved with missions, paperwork and just general S.H.I.E.L.D work that required most of their time. Tony and Bruce were always busy with tech and science respectively. It was just assumed Sam would be planning something for his therapy centre.

Bucky was the only one who spent 90% of his time at the tower, other than Tony and Bruce who literally worked at home, he was usually in the library, gym or room. Despite the mess in his head, he was trying to get some sort of degree, though the others didn’t actually know what.

Tony hummed softly, heading back to his room, still shoving blueberries in his mouth, and still unsure about what he was even going to do. His work _was_ his life, so what else is he supposed to do? Go to the gym?

He couldn’t do that. Even though he needed to practice with- He’d rather not get caught using that particular ability of his. Who knows what Fury would do, probably lock him up for some kind of experimentation, or implant him with that control device the last one of them had, use him as a mission puppet, no brainwashing, just the threat of instant death always s on his wrist. _In_ his wrist.

Either way, no one else was awake and damn was he bored. It wasn’t a long walk to his room; originally, they had all had their own floors which was nice, but inconvenient. At some point they had all moved into the top floor, the largest floor of which had the main kitchen and 8 bedrooms large enough to be apartments. The private labs (his and Banner’s) were the next floor down, and beneath those was the gym, and than the party deck.

Tony tended to avoid that floor considering the amount of triggers associated with it. He slipped into his room quietly, collapsing onto his bed with a tired sigh. He’d barely noticed his eyes sliding shut before he was fast asleep. It was dreamless, at first, but quickly melted into the pit of horrors he normally buried.

“ _Ahh...Tony...How does the dear playboy like it. Huh?”_

“ _It hurts...”_

…

_Screaming Howard’s sad and horrified eyes after Tony k-killed that stranger, accidentally yes, but it happened nonetheless. Blood. The portal. Explosions and falling, falling falling._

…

“ _Just a little more Mr Stark”. Water crashing into his lungs, burning his throat, choking him slowly._

…

“ _Yinsen! YINSEN”. A bullet hole ridden body forever scarred into his mind._

…

_Maria, lying dead. The intruder still standing there. The 6-year-old Tony didn’t hesitate, picking up the nearest gun from his father's workshop, and shooting the stranger point blanc._

…

“ _And your other nickname? The Merchant of Death.”_

…

“ _You’re a freak!_ _”_

…

_Fear in the little girl’s eyes, who’d looked at him with so much hope a minute ago.“Please stop now! Please stop you’re scaring me. Are you a murderer?”_

“ _You should be scared of me.” The cobalt flames licking at him, lingering on the three dead in front of him._

“ _I’m not scared.” She said, placing her arms on her hips._

“ _You should be.” He shook his head sadly, submitting his control, letting the power inside him take and take._

_The police found a 19-year-old Tony sobbing, clutching a limp toddler’s body to his, 3 more fallen men surrounding him 3 hours later._

…

He woke up screaming and shaking, blood dripping from arms in crimson rivulets from where he’d clawed at himself in his sleep. Tony jumped, skidding on the floor as he rushed to his bathroom, currently unconcerned with the little blood trail on he left in his wake.

“Sir, It’s 2:15 am Wednesday 21st February, 2014. The forecast is currently clear skies with light precipitation-”

“Mute.”

The bathroom wasn’t large, like the others were, his only contained a shower, mirror, toilet and sink. Fairly simple if you ignore the price tags on the furniture. The crystal clear mirror ranged from the floor to ceiling, and after cleaning his hand off the blood, he looked in the mirror.

The smell, and colour was gone, but in his mind the picture was still clear as day, the blood still lingered, the scent of death did, it was always there. Such a hidden part of him that the avengers didn’t know, S.H.I.E.L.D didn’t know. His secrets had died with Howard, Maria and the Jarvis’s, they’d die with him if he could help it.

The image of that innocent stranger, who’d helped him when his was lost, lying burnt on the ground, him the cause of it all, electricity still licking at his palms, would never go away.

He met his own eyes in the mirror

“They were right. I’m a freak.”

He rushes out of the bathroom, shoving a pair of black track pants over his bare legs ans hastily throwing off his shirt in exchange for a tank top and large hoodie. _At least if the others see me, I’ll look gothy enough to be Winter._

A short elevator ride later and he was standing in the centre of the gym, clueless on what he was actually supposed to do. He’d never actually used the gym, just designed and built it, always in fear of being found it. Considering everyone who’d found out had died shortly after, it was for the best it was kept secret. As he entered the gym, he barely registered the fact that one of the private combat rooms doors was open.

Tony shuffles to the treadmill, forgoing the fancier equipment for something more classic, he wasn’t really in the mood to set up one of the obstacle courses (that include ropes, rock climbing, hologram enemies and time constraints.) Those took time he wasn’t willing to waste.

After switching a couple settings, he removed the hoodie, for once not self-conscious about his body. The arc reactor was slotted snugly into the centre of his chest.

“Jarvis? ‘Freedom.’ on shuffle.”

“Yes, Sir. May I recommended auto adjusting of the settings as you workout?”

“Sure, Why not.”

He jogged gently, mentally preparing to use his _skills_ for the first time in years. He never really learnt how to use them beyond getting really emotional, or just pure desperation.

[ **They sent me away to find them a fortune  
A chest filled with diamonds and gold** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-7709496) **  
** [ **The house was awake, with shadows and monsters  
The hallways, they echoed and groaned** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-7704100)  
  


The machine started to speed up. The numbers flicking upwards gradually from 1 to 5. 6.7.8. _A little girl looking up at him with glassy eyes._

[ **I sat alone, in bed till the morning  
I'm crying, "They're coming for me"** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-6851985)

12 mph. 15 mph. 25 mph. Oblivious to the sound of movement that hadn’t managed to break through the noise of the music, Tony was unaware that the door had creaked. And slammed.

[ **And I tried to hold these secrets inside me  
My mind's like a deadly disease** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-6851985)

Jarvis interrupted the music, “Sir, are you sure you want to exceed the baseline human limit?”

“ _Are you a murderer?”_

“Keep playing the music, J.”

[ **I'm bigger than my body** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-7156842)

The number flicked to 40mph, skipping the gradual progression it had been doing previously, Tony simply ran faster, feeling the familiar feeling of blue flames tugging at him. Much to his surprise, the flames didn’t start with his hands, as they usually did, instead his chest seemed to glow more than usual. Despite his distraction, he barely stumbled as he ripped the tank top of to reveal his chest.

Bright blue veins stemmed out from the arc reactor like a glowing shattered mirror. He watch as they spread out to ‘shatter’ his whole chest.

“ _..._ _You should be scared of me._ ”

[ **I'm colder than this home  
I'm meaner than my demons  
I'm bigger than these bones** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-7156842)  
  


His legs thudded down on the treadmill. Finally the part he recognized, the distinctive tingling of _want_ from within as he finally let go. 50 mph. Tony’s hands arms hand flames creeping up them now, lighting up the darker-than-usual gym.

“ _I can’t.”_

“ _Control it!”  
“I CANT.” He roared. Another one lying burnt by him, his attempts to help futile, wasted, on _him.

[ **And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"  
I can't help this awful energy** ](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-6851978)

70mph

“Sir are you sure this is safe?”

“ _Fear in the little girl’s eyes, who’d looked at him with so much hope a minute ago._ _“Please stop now! Please stop you’re scaring me. Are you a murderer? ”_

It played on his mind on loop, throbbing and painful and guilty.

“Keep going up.” he grunted, it was taking effort now, not much, but a little.

The numbers flipped to 105.

**[God damn right, you should be scared of me  
Who is in control?](https://genius.com/Halsey-control-lyrics#note-6851969) **

His eyes burned a vicious blue, the warm brown long having receded. Tony felt free. Loose, as his sneakers pounded into the machine, he kept going. One foot in front of the other. The machine started to glow at 115. The music played in the background, blurring as he thought a bout the little girl- the little girl who’d said those exact words.

130 mph.

It exploded into embers of blue flames, remnants of the machine scattering around him in a circle as he watched the flames with no emotion in his eyes. Too guilty. Too used to this scene. Too afraid. Afraid of himself.

A glass shattered behind him.

Tony’s shoulders tensed and he whipped around, rage scratching at his insides. His eyes were the scariest part of him, vibrant blue and somehow dark, infused with the look of a man who’d seen too much, done too much to ever forget it. He couldn’t see whoever was there as they lurked in the shadows, just outside reach from the light of the fire.

“Who the fuck are you?” he growled.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> The song playing in the gym is **Control by Halsey.** This is not a song fic I just needed to use the song for the tone of this chapter. All of the chapter titles are song lyrics.
> 
> No hate please but I don't mind constructive criticism and other comments
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://im-loki-mad-tho.tumblr.com/)


End file.
